#relationships

The Upside Down World ~ The Blog

Jan 18, 2017
3 min

To All the Good, Decent People Supporting Donald Trump

Not everyone means the best. Not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. It’s not a majority of people who are terrible people. Not even close. But it’s not an insignificant number of people either. Those people are dangerous. They can and have destroyed individuals, families, organizations, communities and, when given enough power, entire countries. They do not care if they are an unpopular minority, if they can get their hands on some power, they are going to use it in

Jan 16, 2017
5 min

Understanding the Radical Right

In any conflict, it’s important to keep up with what’s going on with the other side. But between social media and the extreme unpleasantness of dealing with the radical right, a lot of people are in a bubble where they aren’t hearing the conversations taking place among those who are on “the other side”. While I totally understand the impulse to cocoon and support it when necessary for peace of mind and mental health reasons, I do try to stay in contact with people who are on

Jan 12, 2017
6 min

Stop Arguments Online Like a Mom

My husband is completely convinced that there are Jews somewhere in my Polish lineage. Because three of my great joys in life are being thrifty, complaining and arguing. I tell him that this must mean that there are Jews somewhere in his Irish lineage. The Irish filtered out the cheap part, I explained. But he thinks it must come from somewhere around Ethiopia on his African side. Which would explain his reluctance to embrace the fine stereo-typically Jewish trait of thrift,

Dec 21, 2016
7 min

All People Are Real

I’ve mentioned a couple of times now that I have a dissociative disorder. A derealization disorder, in fact. Which means that when my dissociative disorder is triggered, nothing around me seems real. Sometimes things literally look like movie sets and sound stages to me. I can’t even watch movies when it’s bad because when everything already looks fake, bad acting takes on a whole new meaning. When it comes to dealing with people, it’s like being locked inside a glass bubble

Dec 10, 2016
1 min

Staying Safe Among Snakes

One of the things I learned back in college which has helped to keep me safe among snakes for decades now is that sociopaths will pressure you into doing something you are uncomfortable with as a prelude to abuse. It will frequently be something which seems small or which another person might do without thinking, but it will be something that you have some unease about. Once you have done one thing you are uncomfortable with, the sociopath knows that it will be easier to pres

Dec 9, 2016
1 min

#stopempoweringsociopaths

There are sociopaths among us. And if we pretend that there are not, if we insist that everyone just assume the best and look for the good no matter the evidence, we leave ourselves vulnerable to being manipulated by them. Do you know how you dis-empower sociopaths? You make it impossible for them to act on their sociopathic tendencies without being detected. You don’t dismiss or minimize sociopathic behavior. You ask people to act only in ways which are incompatible with soc

Nov 22, 2016
4 min

Thanksgiving Family Survival Guide – 2016 Edition

Such a pretty picture. Now imagine that they all hate each other. An oldie but a goody! BTW, if you read these and know exactly what I’m talking about when it comes to family, you are one of the people I wrote The Upside Down World’s Guide to Enjoying the Hard Life for. It’s a collection of enlightening essays for thinking better, being better and growing where you’re planted. Even if where you’re planted is a, um, lacking in certain nutrients required for proper growth. (I

Jul 28, 2015
8 min

Good Luck With That “Normal” Thing

Perhaps you have heard that I have some children. Entirely more than a respectable woman ought to have, in fact. I have even heard tell that there are those who point to my old woman living in a shoe lifestyle as evidence that I may be a bit touched in the head. Sad. But true. Fortunately for me, it turns out that being a bit touched in the head is pretty much a prerequisite for good parenting, so it’s all worked out just fine. At any rate, two of my children are currently ma

Apr 30, 2015
4 min

How to Recognize a Brother or Sister in Christ

I have met some of the coolest people while writing this blog. One of these days, I’m going to have to share the story of how God sent some of them to help catch me at the end of my fall last summer. Based on my experience with my readers, I have to assume that if you are reading my blog, you’re probably a pretty amazing person. Or at least, I would think so. And really, isn’t that all that counts? (That was a joke, btw. Hopefully you laughed. The test audience in my head fou

Oct 27, 2014
3 min

Does Forgiving Demand Restoring Relationship?

One of the problems that people commonly struggle with when it comes to forgiveness is the issue of the restoration of relationships. Can you really say you’ve forgiven someone if you are unwilling to be in relationship with them? Does forgiveness demand that your relationship be restored? Or can you forgive but refuse to engage in relationship with the person who wronged you? Part of why I am such a big fan of forgiveness is that it’s a very empowering act. I cannot often co

Jun 17, 2014
4 min

THIS

This is what God would want those who claim his name to hear today. Like really today. Right here in the reality that is whatever day it is right now when you’re reading this. Don’t worry, I’m not claiming to have some “prophetic word” for y’all. Although maybe more people would pay attention if I did. And send me some seed money! Yeah. . . Allow I to start over . . . So, I have this prophetic word that God asked me to pass along to y’all. (Click here to make your donation to

Jun 11, 2014
1 min

Things to Say to Someone Who Is Suffering

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It makes me sad/angry to see what you’re going through. You deserve better. It won’t always be like this. It’s OK to be broken sometimes. Not everyone could handle this with as much grace/bravery/whatever as you. Sometimes all you can do is get through the day and that’s enough. I know it’s overwhelming right now, but I believe in you. Tell me how bad it really is. What do you wish someone would say to you right now? Can I pray for/over

May 29, 2014
5 min

The Bad Habit You Must Let Go Of

Have you ever had the experience of telling someone that they are hurting you only to be met with hostility, accusations, shaming and ridicule? Yeah, me too. Have you ever been the person who responded to a hurting person with hostility, accusations, shaming and ridicule? Yeah, me too. There seems to be something very deep in us that reacts to even the mildest suggestion that we are less than completely perfect in all our ways by becoming defensive. I used to think that this

Apr 7, 2014
4 min

Forgiving Is Hard, Not Impossible

One of my many idiosyncratic beliefs is that Africa has a special role to play in God’s upside down kingdom. For so long, Africa has been last which according to Jesus’ words, means that the day is coming when they will be first. I suspect that we will be looking to them in order to understand God’s kingdom rather than assuming that it is our job as westerners to hand out the kingdom like a goody bag to the rest of the world. I bring this up because, as you might know, it is

Apr 3, 2014
3 min

Being Kind Without Being Hurt

My mother always taught me that you can never go wrong being kinder than necessary. I believe that this is true and have tried to live my life with that perspective. However, this outlook can also leave you vulnerable to being mistreated. It’s why a lot of people are hesitant to be kinder. However, if we’re all focused on avoiding being hurt, it makes it very hard for being kind to become normal rather than exceptional. Avoiding being hurt is a legitimate concern, of course.

Apr 1, 2014
1 min

Never Waste Your Time . . .

Oh, the hours of my life I wish I could get back! Pass It On! Tweet Email More Print Share on Tumblr WhatsApp #life #memes #relationships #selfacceptance

Mar 31, 2014
1 min

When You Can’t Agree

It is one thing to oppose what you think is messed up; it’s a whole other thing to be and live the alternative. ~ Jim Palmer At some point, you have made your best case and your opponent has made their best case. You still disagree and are certain your opponent fundamentally misunderstands reality. Any further discussion will quickly devolve into “unuh”, “uhhuh” levels of discourse. Repeating the same set of arguments over and over is a good sign that you’ve entered into this

Mar 27, 2014
4 min

The Hardest, Best Spiritual Practice I’ve Ever Tried

Learning how not to judge has been the most demanding, arduous and painful spiritual discipline I have ever undertaken. It’s also been the most fruitful. I could probably write books and books filled with stories and lessons I would never have encountered if I had not made a commitment to practicing this discipline. While most people probably don’t think of not judging as a spiritual discipline, this is exactly how I’ve practiced it. It’s something I do out of obedience and d

Mar 24, 2014
3 min

Christians and Interracial Marriage

Guys, what is this world coming to? Aljezeera America recently used the parable of the talents to explain current events. Christianity Today, the flagship publication of conservative, Evangelical Christianity, is promoting interracial marriage. And discussing racism. And even relying on the voice of a black women to explain the theology of the whole thing. The world’s going all off kilter here. I know the rest of the world (and many of us) find it ridiculous that the church s

Mar 23, 2014
5 min

Angry Men and Crying Women

In the last few months, I’ve realized something about men and women and why we often struggle with each other. It might not be THE problem, but I would venture to say that it’s certainly been A problem. And figuring this out has been really helpful to me, so I thought I’d pass it on to y’all. It all has to do with the way we express our pain. Generally speaking, there are two ways we experience the emotion of being hurt – through anger or sorrow. They look very different, but