A mere week after we held a small burial for Susan, it was Christmas. We attended Christmas Eve children’s mass as usual. After service, several people came to offer condolences to my mother. I was sticking pretty close to her side those days and although I don’t remember anything that was said, I do remember my mom shedding tears while talking with people. We went home in a pretty somber mood. Later that evening my mother and a couple of us sibling were in the kitchen prepar

My early twenties weren’t exactly a stellar time. Within a short period of time I was raped twice. I found out I was pregnant shortly after I decided to take Jesus’ words that it’s better to enter the kingdom maimed and had broken up with then boyfriend. The people around me didn’t exactly rise to the occasion. One woman I told about one of the sexual assaults told every-freaking-body. A man she told became so belligerent towards me that I had to interrupt his screaming rant

I had every intention of posting some interesting theological ideas I have with y’all today, but I’m just not feeling it. So instead, I’d like to share a story about grief and Santa Claus. 26 years ago yesterday, my sister Susan was born. We had learned two days earlier that she was going to be stillborn. I was 13 at the time. It was my first real experience with death and in the days that followed I learned certain things. That life has a startling way of moving forward even

As a child, my mother taught me that when someone dies, we should never feel badly for them. The deceased is fine. Rather, we grieve for ourselves and our loss. But never for those who are gone. This is, in fact, a proper understanding of death, loss and grieving for a Christian to have, but one which I fear has been all but lost for many people. I want to be clear, that this is not the trite “they’re in a better place now” which often rubs people the wrong way. Nor is it an

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa In the spring of 2000, I received a phone call informing me that my husband had collapsed at work and been taken to a nearby hospital.  By the time I got there, he was being released.  They had decided that he was having an asthma attack, so despite the fact that he couldn’t walk, they gave him a nebulizer treatment, saw it didn’t help and sent him home.  I helped him out of the wheelchair, into the c

In 1996, Rick and Karen Santorum lost a child just past 20 weeks gestation.  The baby died 2 hours after birth.  The Santorums held and spent time with their deceased infant.  They took the baby home for their other children to be able to do the same.  They also had a funeral service and burial.  We know all of this because Karen Santorum wrote about it in her book Letters to Gabriel which came out in 1998. The reason it is in the news is because two commentators – one real l